In a game I've always assumed I had the upperhand in,     i've lost.

It hurts, not because of the loss.     nor the betrayal. But because of maybe, just maybe this one time. It had me doubting my disappointment for the male species. . but in fact. I took it for granted, and it came up behind me and bit me in the ass.

But. i'm not broken. Not even close. maybe 'cos i never fell in the first place. These tears will dry, the memories will be discarded,   ..yet it's disheartened me, my faith/hope/etc., permanently broken. I won't pick up the pieces this time. Why would i bother when i know reality is gonna reach out and smash it again.

Maybe it's just me.

Maybe it's my fault, and you're looking back at me with the same perception i have of you.

Maybe i need to start with..changing myself.

.just get me out of here....

i think i broke my fking wrist.     ...

ok. maybe not. Bt yeah i definitely injured/sprained/wrenched/whatever it. And now im wincing everytime i type. oh the pain. But even more ohhhh the shameeee.  (will expand later).

Currently slacking it off @ ic but reli cbf doing anything ):  stil half but not quite three quarters drunk and fully headaching. Seeing as i got home at like... 6 or 7. And woke up at 10. Wasn't planning on doing anyth ths wkend. Cos kathie w wasnt gonna cm out. And there's no party without my lesbro cos cos it takes two to tango and and and  i bust out some pretty intense tango moves in the club. HAHAHAHA , but one thing lead to another and wa heyy; its another epic night of alcohol guzzling music banging wrist killing hands up in the aya-ing total hyping  jAAaaaam  (yee i realise im not making mcuh sense?  .  hurhur  h0okays no complaints. But i seriously dint plan on going newhere last night . '__' was curled up in bed jamming to nan quan mama- ni bu xiang ta (this stupid comp lacks the ability to type chinese adohh= =) at 12ish?  when my bestbudbudbud4everndevermaxxxx L forcefully and figuratively broke into my house and whisked me away on his handsome white steed of a taxi. HAHAHhahaha oh dearS im stil so overS. hahaha typing up tht just made me laugh. KEKE. okay. NR bt u get the idea. then it was blush, and 6th .  Needless to say, i rarely leave blush sober. And on this particular night, i was taught some pretty intense kungfu moves (expanding atm) which resulted in me breaking my wrist during the impact of punching %'s torso. To which he responded by literally and not figuratively this time, picking me up like a slightly obese twig and flinging me across his shoulders. I forgot to mention i was wearing a megaashort + drapyy dress. So it was basically the world and ....    My Big Fat Ass.  Besides from being WTFWTFOMGEMBARRASDMAXX,, i hid a gleeful snigger seeing as there's still some hope of a guy being able to actualyl LIFT ME (HOLYMOFO$@%^????)  So i shall look forward to (remove %, replace with future hubby) whipping me off my feet while im wearing a LOOONG white dress tht covers my fat ass and chubbster porkchops.. and walking (NOOOT stumbling with my heavy weight) to our grand white castle. To live. Happily ever after.

ok. i shal definitely lmfao rofl when i read back on the entry later. After i've sobered up.

but for the time being, WEEEEEEEEEE IM SO COOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

*triple thumbs up ! plus one toe!*

L is cool too. Cos im hungry. And kindly want dinner soon please.

BYE

*edited*

ill write more. Cos heapsa stuff jst popped up yelling @ me to include them. I spilt some jellie beans last night ): well not technically spilt.. cos they weren't my jellie beans to begin off with. But goly. these jellies stir up gg fury. >_>

2 more months till im 18. THEN NO MORE ID-BORROWING. fk. so sick of getting bounced. jst wait till im 18 and il b in urrrr faaaaace stupid bouncers. good thing the eyeliner trick always wrks.

 ...ok fk im hungry. gotsta go scavenginG g.

bye for real this time .  ):

...bye

bye

bye

..

yeah i kinda realise that my xanga entires r dramatically decreasing in frequency ): sorry bloggy. I'll try harder to be more efficient >3<

keevinnns 18th last sat, major party.  HAPPY BELATED BDAYY kevin GAWANGG KONG! :D

blush @ 11

and margis after .

tried to take some fotos once i got there;; but the real party hit with a bAng later-ish, during which notions of fototaking flew rite outta my head. :3  soz.soz.

hmm.. any idea y my fotos r coming out all blurry ? :S

Neway. margis was crazyyyyy ! drankalot.dancedalot. even befriended the bouncer who let us dance on the stereos for 1min (precisely). Great funz until 3am rolled past, nd then i transformed into a walking corpse. oh dearS I AM getting old. Not even 18 yet and i'm already failinG in the area 'danCE til the break of daWN'.  sighS.

i tink its kinda transparent.. i broke my curfew. again. >_>  got home at like 5ish due to some DRAMATIC happenings in the carpark opp margis. Stupid gf-hitter mofos just diiiiiie. >=(   Luckily parents were zzzz-ing by the time i creeped bak home. phew.. or else there wud b one extra homeless hobo out on the streets that night.

****

wtfux. First week of holis gone by SO fast. wtfuxzor?! i wish time would jst FREEZE. let me catch up on school work + other USEFUL bitsnpieces tht nEEd me taking care of (cant think of any atm but will get back to u soon). Instead of constantly drinking + hangover-iNG.   ):

kz's list of things tht need DO-ing

1. finish stats assignment

2. find a dress for dv8 (YAYYYY SEP 20TH U GOTSTA B THERE U GOTSTA U GOTSTA!)

3. study for law, stats, logic test which is...STRAIGHT after midsem break

3. stop procrastinating

4. ...wtf im sure theres heaps more. .. i jst cbf scratching my brain for any =/

ugh. will update when it hits me later on.

oh. and to my lonely hearts club members ;

When you get caught in the rain
With nowhere to run
When you’re distraught and in pain
Without anyone


We keep prayin’ to saved
But nobody comes
And you feel so far away
That you just can’t


Find your way home
You can get there alone
It’s okay
What you say


I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain


And if you keep falling down
Don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound
So keep pressing on


Step fastly
And you’ll find what you need
To prepare
What you say


I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain


And when the wind moves
And shadows grow close
Don’t be afraid
There’s nothing you can’t face


And sure they tell you
You’ll never pull through
Don’t hesitate
Stay calm and sane


I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain


I can make it through the rain
Can stand up once again
And I live one more day
And I’ll make it through the rain


oh, yes, you can
Mmm...hmm...
You can make it through the rain

Was cleaning up my folders&docs on my lappy and by chance, dug this up----

READ. Its oh-so-sadly-TRUE.

hugs for all the emopeps out there. 3:

Greatest irony of love; 

loving the right person at the wrong time,

loving the wrong person when the time is right,

finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life.

& all those times you think you're already over a person, but when they smile at you, you'll suddenly realise that you're just pretending to be over them; just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again.

For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person.

 In reality, they are just afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. isn't that even worse than denial and escape?

Most 'serious' relationships tend to fail not because there is absence of love. love is always present. it's just one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little.

We all know that the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left.  

Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right.

Sometimes we fall in love with the person we think we love, but to only discover that for them... we are just for passing time;

 while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger.

Sometimes , maybe it's just better to...;;  let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love isn't enough. and move on when things are not like before. Believe that false hope is heartbreaking. Don't fool yourself into trying to make something work, because sometimes its hard not to believe in fate.

Whatever makes you happy...because in the end, you're not living for anyone else but yourself. For sure there is someone out there who will love you even more, more than he ever did or ever will... and you deserve every single bit of it.

too true huh?

..tht reli hits the spot.   *winces. 

): k. nights guys.